First day of Chemo

               First day of Chemo ....  All kinds of emotions today I started out wanting to make sure the car was freshly vacuumed cause my mom hates a dirty car... well she hates a dirty anything really. After throwing 3 bucks in change trying to find a working vacuum  I gave up and  just grabbed a damp towel and wiped it out. I was worried she would think I forgot her this morning and went back to bed.  Arrived to find her still on the phone with a friend and she just waved me in. She didn't seem nervous she kinda gave me a grin and popped her shoulders and headed out the door.  We got there only a few others in the waiting room. We giggled and looked online at the nice post that her sister left , pictures of FAT babies, cause they are the best kind, watched a video. Finally the door opened and we filed on in.  Familiar face of Mathilda came around the corner and hugs and more giggles ensued. Mathilda actually looked at me and I remember when you were just a kid... Puahahaha love her heart  Her youngest child and my oldest child are the same age lol .  She took us back to little pods with 6 recliners each equipped with a bright white pillow and blanket.  Of course I'm afraid of needles so I cant look when they are accessing her port but we can hold hands and I can squeeze my eyes real tight and hold my breath. We got a little teary, pulled it together.  Mathilda didn't have another patient come in til 10 . They got to catch up and hear all the fun stuff everyone has been doing the past ten years. As we come to the end of Chemo and she seems to be feeling fine very upbeat still,  just needs to pee.... I went with her and she was trying to cough and I can hear a little panic, I thought she was getting sick cause that's what you always hear about. I asked are you OK  just take some deep breaths. She has the door locked and I'm thinking I'm going to have to crawl under the door on hospital floor in my bare knees ewww and then she opens the door. She said "I'm not sick, I just don't feel right "  she walks over washes her hands and then it starts... I realize she has just put her hands in cool water, completely forgetting she isn't suppose to get near anything cool . Cant stand in front of the fridge or under a fan for 4-5 days. I stand behind her and try to be soothing telling her she can breathe, it just a reaction to the chemo my arm is around her stomach and I'm telling hers it OK. She remembers the Dr. saying if she felt that to breathe into her hand and try not to panic. So here we are my mom at the sink breathing in her hands and I'm behind her with my arms wrapped around her. She just wanted to get out of there and go home.  Well I'm thinking we are having the reaction the nurse is right here lets see how it plays out so we know what to do at home. I motion for Mathilda mom is trying to steer me toward the exit. I'm thinking sit down for 15 mins see what happens then we can go. I have to say we got to the chair I turned around and there are nurses coming from everywhere. Mathilda is telling mom its OK  and we are just gonna take your pressure. Mathilda called for a Dr. to the infusion room and now I realize I'm in the way... They have opened a bag and they are about to access her port again. As I step out the way I can feel myself starting to crumble so I know that I cant let her see me freak out she needs to be calm so I slip off to the next pod and realize OMG  there are patients here who are about to see me freak out and I didn't want them to get worried (what if one was a new patient like us), so I hurry out the door only to find myself standing in yet a another inner waiting room and more patients ..... at the point my whole insides are screaming WHERE THE HELL ARE THE BATHROOMS!!!  Finally I see the door 5 ft away I bolt inside and  have a quick freak out.. hyperventilate a little, good to know I can still get my head between my knees.  Now I'm thinking well what if she needs to see me and needs to have a look that says everything is OK  so I ripped a paper towel wiping my face I come out the bathroom and patient family member is asking if I'm OK . I know I have to get back so I say I'm sorry It was panic  it was panic as I go running back to moms pod I'm still off to the side but I can see they have an IV running and mom looks scared and trying to explain that she didn't feel like she could expand her diaphragm. Her Dr. is there and explaining it was all fine Its usually just the male patients that try to test the cold. We sat for another 45 mins running a bag of fluids get her good and hydrated. By now we are starving and the giggles are back on about all things she might touch cold  On the way home she wanted to stop at McDonalds for a burger.... and wouldn't you know that other symptom she might have is LOCKJAW,  she didn't get stuck but she could feel it that will pass in a couple of hours and the cold thing will pass in a couple of days.  She is home with the fans off and staying away from the scary Icebox.    

T'was the night before Chemo

     T'was  the  night  before  Chemo.....  Well  I  cant say no one is stirring, seems to be all we

we are doing.  Even Louie seems antsy.  This afternoon we were off to see the oncologist.

My mother has been diagnosed with Colon and Breast Cancer .. Both Primary.  3 weeks

ago she had her colon surgery.  A week ago her trusty mediport was put in and tomorrow

she starts her first IV Chemo. 

    Its weird the things that end up be good news thru all of this .... First it was Cancer and all

the tests to find out where... Then it was Breast Cancer and her lungs and other test are all

coming back clear, so feeling hopeful.... Then its Colon Cancer , and my heart breaks 

thinking it has traveled thru her body, Nope both are primary... She just happens to have

Cancer in two places,  welcome back HOPE! Today we go to her appt  and hear that it came

back It was stage III  .... HOPE  where have ya gone  and then we hear both ends came back

negative and only 2 out of the 14 nodes had been infected at the tumor sight ... There's Hope

again.  Since my mom was an oncology nurse 10 years ago, and use to

run Chemo we were sure that we would be there quite a bit... Thankfully so much has

changed since then! Come to find out she will only be going once every 3rd week. Hope is alive and well in Louisiana so if you happen to notice your watch  phone and its between 8am-noon we are also accepting all good vibrations and tender thoughts!!!